Learn how to free yourself from anxieties

Will I ever be good enough??

Will I ever be good enough??

This self-sabotaging thought did a 360 in my head on most days, the truth is I believed it. When I was deciding to write a blog today I began to think unlike my trained self and held in my minds eye a true image of the core beliefs I held that were keeping me from growing into the person I really wanted to become.

So before I talk about where it started I should explain what core beliefs are. I did a similar post on FB yesterday briefly mentioning how we develop our self sabotaging beliefs as children, usually from our significant care givers. As children we do not develop our cognitive abilities fully until we are in our mid 20's, hence the old values we hold about ourselves no longer serve us well as adults. Talking of values I would hazard a guess that some of you don't even realise the value you hold for others. Ranking them from 1-10 might make you feel as though you are being big-headed or boastful, hell no. If you have it flaunt it or lose it, or have your gifts copied by another.

I realise that focusing on yourself can be difficult especially if you have lead a life where you have always put everyone else first, I also understand how that very behaviour can affect you and everyone around you negatively.

Thinking back to self sabotage traits might look a bit like this..

Giving up, numbing the pain with various addictions, staying stuck in self-destructive lifestyles, marriages, relationships, or simply underachieving in life.

Whilst these adapted behaviours might look like an escape route and to be honest the glasses of gin in particular does for me, these self-sabotaging patterns over years and years can be at the heart of deep routed unhappiness and unfulfillment. They are also very often called 'survival responses' to unhealthy learnt patterns of behaviour.

I know that my experiences of adopting self-sabotaging patterns weren't a conscious choice that I set out to deliberately fulfil but I understand that they were a response to a period in my life where experiences had become unmanageable and difficult. I felt a lack of support and nurturing from my environment and I can say some of it will have it's roots planted somewhere in my childhood. That's not to say I believe I didn't have a good life as a child because I did but somewhere, somehow I developed a belief that my qualities as a person were not enough and I kept raising the bar on all levels.

For all of us maintaining feelings of unworthiness and negative self-belief can result in these destructive behaviours leaving a person feeling empty and lonely.

So how do we move forward towards our true self??

I think I most definitely broke the rules and restraints of the self-fulfilling prophecies, anxieties and self-doubt that was plaguing me in a bid to live a life that reflected who I was deep down rather than present my false self to the world, which over time can be an exhausting existence.

Robin Williams has taught us that behind a smile can lay crippling depression and heartache in a bid to keep others happy and entertained, teaching Don't be the one who never gets to be 'You' Finally, It's safe to say you can be who you want with choices without the chains of personal sabotage.

I am a Person Centred Therapist who can help guide you through the vicious circle of life that keeps your low self-esteem flourishing if you would like to know more about this blog or talk with me

you can find me on Facebook, The Counselling Directory or alternatively you can contact me from here.

Tracy Emanuel Pearson. BACP Registered Therapist.